I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
