So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
