just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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