I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
