Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
