We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
