oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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