i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
