He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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