uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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