Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
