I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
