Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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