i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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