i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
