she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
wow bdsm is so cute
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
