Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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