ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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