I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
