Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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