He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
