then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
