The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
