Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
