Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
