Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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