im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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