that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Semen is not good for contacts.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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