your thong is hanging out like whoa
I faked an abortion last night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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