it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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