my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
