Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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