Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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