sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
