I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
