I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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