my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
try to milk me bitch
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