I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
