how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
