There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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