he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
