I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
