he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
