I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I've blown a few things in my day
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
