She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Randomize
