Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
