maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I need water and some morals
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