you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
