just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
