i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
