last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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