Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
