You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This is the high leading the old right now
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
