I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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